Let’s talk about anxiety.
So, many of you all have heard about my anxiety. Many of you have seen me tweet about it, and I’ve even included it in a vlog where it did really affect it. So, now I feel like I need to really explain it and really talk about it more in depth. I tried to talk about my anxiety in a video and I keep re-filming because it really didn’t make sense.
My anxiety is really surrounded by not having a job or not being able to pay my bills. I’m not really sure why, but the idea that I could not have a way to pay my bills or that I would be unemployed and be back to square one really scares me. It’s one of the hardest things for me to really explain because it’s not as if I’ve ever been in this position.
I think that also has to do with the fact that I live alone and am the sole income for myself at the moment. I don’t have anyone to fall back on and that scares me a lot. I’m usually really good about not freaking out, and not being scared about it but there are moments when these little things freak me out. Things like, paying bills or not having enough money to pay said bills. Now, that’s not the case but I don’t have any savings to really back myself up in the case that I didn’t have a job. Now, I have no reason to think that I wouldn’t have a job but sometimes I get in my head and start thinking that I will not have a job for some reason.
The other thing is that I do not have a college degree and I feel like I’m limited on what I could possibly do. I love blogging and doing youtube but I’m at a point where I need to start trying to learn how to make money doing what I’m doing. I think about this all the time, and I think about the fact that I need to get on with it but I feel like I can’t. I see all these articles about making money when you first start blogging, and I’m just like “HOW?” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing this because I want to make money, that would just be an extra thing, but I would love to be able to make blogging and everything that comes along with it, a full-time career. I’m not sure how I’m going to do it yet, but I am going to figure it out.
But back to anxiety, I’m still trying to work it out. I’m still trying to figure out how to handle it and honestly, it’s a day to day thing. I’m not ever going to be able to conquer it fully, I will forever deal with this. But I want to get to a place where it isn’t as prevalent. I want to be able to know that my ducks are always in a row. I just want to be stable in my life and doing something that I love would defiantly work with it.
My anxiety is something that really makes my life hell, it comes at the most random moments and has made simple task almost impossible to conquer.
This is kind of a chat post, but it’s also an update post. I want to let you all know that here soon I will be doing more stuff to start growing and also to start making money. I don’t want you all to think that I’m changing or that I’m not going to be the same Megan you all have grown to know, I’m still Megan and I’m not going anywhere. I hope that you all understand where I’m coming from and why I’m going to be doing what I am doing.
Love, Megan Anne
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