So recently I put up a video on my youtube channel, I WAS LOST IN MIDDLE OF NOWHERE?!, and basically I told a story about the time I decided to go see a guy in a city that was 2 hours away and go figure it did not go the way I had planned. But from this, I learned a few things about not only dating but also about myself. This was a really big turning point for me, no matter how strange that way seem. Here’s the thing, when I was 18 – 20ish, I was in a weird place as far as dating went. I had, had a boyfriend when I was in high school and then almost a month after high school, we broke up. Now I was 18, out of high school and I’ll be honest, I just wanted to have fun and that’s what I thought was doing.
Well here’s what I really did: I made myself seem easy to basically any guy that would even look my way. I also basically let any guy be worth more than they were. I also allowed myself to no have a worth, to some point. I didn’t do anything but not allow myself to be treated the way I should have and that’s the lesson I want to teach to all young girls, young adults, anyone really can benefit from this.
You are worth so much. You deserve to be treated as if you are the last girl on the Earth.
Back then, I’m not sure what I really thought was going to come from any of that and I couldn’t honestly tell y’all. A lot of this can be brought back to my childhood, my father, my step-dads, my boyfriends, guys that were in my life in general, but I will not go there. Because the reality is, at 19 years old, I was more than capable of understanding the difference between right and wrong.
Now at 23, I understand that putting myself out there so much, doing things that are way above what I should be, is not the way to go about dating. I won’t say that I didn’t sleep with guys and I won’t say that I didn’t do some things that I would rather never talk about again because I did. But once again, I have grown as a person and I have changed who I am. I’m not that girl anymore, I don’t allow anyone to get in my pants just because they look my direction.
Could this be about my weight? Yes. The other side to all of this, is also that between 18 – 21, I put on 50 pounds. A lot of it happened very fast and because of it, I was very self-conscious. But you add to that dating, and it causes you to really have a hard time believing that anyone would even want to date you, probably just want you for a good time. And that was what I started to put myself out there as, a good time. I wasn’t the girl that wanted to date and I wasn’t the girl that was planning out wedding before we even met. I was the girl that didn’t mind going to your apartment at 12 am, I was the girl that didn’t mind only sexting, I was the girl that made herself easy because I didn’t think anyone would want me. (4 Dating App Rules You MUST Follow!)
Yes, it a fucked up logic but it’s the only logic I could find, at the time.
I’m not sure what moment it really set in that I didn’t have to be this girl. While I’d like to say that my 2-hour trip that turned into 4 hours is what caused it, I can’t honestly say it stopped then. That day really did set the idea in my brain but it wasn’t till I got my heart broken by a guy that never even wanted to be with me, that I truly realized how far I had sunk. That was the true beginning of the climb to starting over in my dating world. I took a long time to recover from that, to learn from that and if y’all want to read more about, check it out here, Letting Go And Moving On.
I know what its like to be that girl and sometimes I still find myself slipping back into old habits but I quickly remind myself that those habits got me nowhere. I have a big bag full of different things I wish had never happened, bones that I won’t look at but defiantly feel every day. It’s easy to say “I’m young and I won’t regret this” but not letting yourself be worth more than a good time, is going to be something you regret. One top of everything else, this isn’t high school, so it isn’t like you’ll have to worry about everyone finding out you slept with the entire baseball team, instead you have to worry about running into someone at the grocery store. You have to worry about what they may think about you, and what their reaction may be towards you. You have to worry about the fact that you may see these people again.
All I want to say is this, you are worth so much more than a good fuck. You are worth so much more than a late night booty call. You are worth so much more than being the girl that people only know as an “a good time.”
It is easy to believe that you aren’t, it’s easy to just fall into this place but being easy with guys isn’t how you’re going to find love or happiness. Not that I’ve personally found love, but I’d like to say that I’m pretty damn happy now. Now that I pay a little harder to get, now that I make sure they have to work a little to get it. I’m now the girl who’s single but because she hasn’t found the guy who thinks she’s worth it, and that’s okay. Because being worth it is what matters.
Don’t get my wrong, it’s not crazy hoops I’m asking to be jumped through, but smaller ones that unless you really are interested and want it, you aren’t going to bother.
What’s your take on this subject?
Did you go down this rabbit hole all too?
Love, Megan Anne
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