Advice

My Choice To NOT Wait To Have Sex

Sex, it’s a topic that most people don’t talk about, at least not online. If you’ve ever searched the web for these types of post, you come up with only a handful of good ones and the others are usually porn sites. Regardless, this is something I actually get asked a lot about, and something I have a lot of opinion on because, well… I didn’t wait.

When I was growing up, my family wasn’t religious. My mom is Methodist and she’s been baptized and did first communion and all that, but my brothers and I aren’t. I did, however, start going to a Baptist church when I was 8 years old and was pretty active in it till I was about 15. With this church, like most baptist churches, they have “guidelines” for the young people. Basic things like women were skirts and dresses, modest tops and guys were pants. Yeah, it was one of those types of places. Back then, I didn’t really mind. As far as dating it was the basic, wait till marriage to have sex. And up until I was 15, I totally agreed with that. Then, at 15, I got my first high school boyfriend and I realized that he was the first guy I actually wanted to have sex with. Fast forward, because we didn’t have sex, but I did when I was 17 with the guy I was dating at the time and I didn’t regret it one bit. Still, don’t actually. The point is if I had that background of wanting to wait and being okay with abstaining, why did I want it so badly? Chalk it up to hormones, sure, but I don’t think it was that at all.

You see, there are different types of sex. There’s “let’s get it on to get pleasure” kind of sex, there’s “let’s make love” kind of sex and then there is just sex. Obviously, there are a ton of different ways to have sex, angry sex, break-up sex, happy sex, the list goes on and on. But Point is, I think you need to experience every type of sex with a person before you can really know a person. When I 15 I didn’t really realize this and your first time is a big deal, regardless of if you want to wait till marriage or not. The reason we didn’t have sex, among other reasons, was because I wanted to love the person first. Now, that’s okay because hey I’m giving you something I can’t take back, even though you’ve kind of already taken it (different story). But, once you get past that first time, or even the first person, sex can just be sex. I’m not saying, you should have sex with everything that walks, because no. But, having casual sex here and there, what’s wrong with that? Protect yourself, and everything should be okay.

Sex can be an intimate thing if you want it to be. I’ve had both, I’ve had that “I just want to have sex” kind of sex and that “I really care and love you” sex. Both are great and both feel/mean something different. Honestly, my choice not to wait based on this one thing. Love. 

Now, I don’t mean that I love everyone I have sex with or that I have to feel love to have sex. I’m saying that when I decided that I didn’t want to wait till marriage to have sex, it was based off showing someone else that I loved them. I loved my boyfriend then, still do till this day, which is when I didn’t regret having sex with him. And trust me, we were like rabbits after that.

Back to the point, my choice to not wait was my choice. I thought about it for a long time, I contemplate, researched, asked friends, etc. But for a long time, I couldn’t shake what I had been taught in church, that sex should be with only one person, that it should be done on the first night you get married, all that. Because it felt weird. At 1 5, I knew people having babies, but they’re telling us that we should wait?  How do you expect anyone to believe that when tons of people are having babies? And that’s when I personally realized that, maybe it wasn’t about waiting. Maybe all this, “till marriage” was because they didn’t think you could show your love in that form without then wanting to with other people? In reality, I knew it was more than that, a bible thing, or whatever was passed down. I think in school we were taught both safe sex and abstinence, which I didn’t even take that class till I was already having sex. Point is, for a long time, I couldn’t shake that until I realized that I didn’t really believe that anymore, how could I be feeling their feelings while I’m supposed to be believing that? After that, it was pretty clear to me that I didn’t believe that anymore.

So, why didn’t I wait? Because I didn’t want to. Yes, I cried. No, I wasn’t sad. I was the one that ignited it, I was the one that brought it up, and I was the one that made sure we were safe. I wanted to show him how much I loved him, and for me, that was by having sex. I’m not saying you should run out and have sex. Becuase if you don’t want to, then don’t. But for me, it was never going to be “virgin until marriage”, it just wasn’t. And as I got older, sex changed in meaning, a lot. I went from having sex to show someone I loved them, to just wanting to feel alive with a stranger. And okay, before you say it, no I didn’t do that a lot and yes, I was always incredibly careful.

Sex is just sex. Until you add emotion to it. I don’t think you can really know a person if you haven’t had sex with them. I mean, sex just brings so much out pf a person. How long they last, what they like to do after, are they giving or selfish, etc. Sex can change your viewpoint of a person, really it can. You could care about a person so much, but in bed, they just don’t do it. And trust me, it’s not worth it if they sex isn’t there. I couldn’t imagine knowing what someone is like in bed until after I have a signed a paper saying forever, and then it being just bland.

This is all based on the idea that you’re going to marry the first person you have sex with, and okay you might, but in reality, most people don’t. And truthfully how do you know yourself if you don’t sleep around? How do you even really know what you like if you don’t experience anything different? Everyone is different and some people don’t mind the only ever having sex with one person, and to each it’s own. But, how? Your first time, it’s okay to want to wait for that. That I definitely get because that’s something you can’t get back. But waiting till you marry someone, I just don’t get it. Maybe that’s because I believe you should show someone your love, not just say it.

Not waiting to have sex, for me, wasn’t a choice I made because I was being pressured to, or because everyone else was doing it, it was made because I loved him with everything I had, and I wanted to show him. Make him feel it, which it wasn’t any of those things, but different story. The real point of all this is that if you want to wait, okay. If you don’t want to wait, okay. Make that choice for yourself, don’t let religion or friends or family tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. This is your body. Be educated on what it is you are doing, more than just watching porn.

If you want to wait, more power to you. But I’m not really sure that it’s a great way of thinking. Obviously, if you choose this, more power to you. But my choices were just that, my choices.


What’s your opinion on this subject?

Love, Megan Anne

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