So, I’ve come across some old love emails that I’ve apparently sent to actually guys and this is what y’all are going to see! Over on my youtube channel, I’m actually going to be reading the email but on here I’m going to be dissecting the heck out of this email!
The white spots are his name because I don’t want to be rude and have that out there. This is the email. If you actually read it, you can tell that I was only 15 years old and that’s why my sentencing are awful! Just in a full, this whole thing is so cringy and I can’t even tell y’all why I sent this! But let’s get into dissecting!
“… I care bout you a lot & I’m not ready to give up something that’s just started. I’ve tired to so hard to not be like some girly girl, who makes everything dramatic with there boyfriend, and I’m not but, it’s like you don’t even care anymore. I mean, I know I’m not help sometimes, ’cause I can be rude & bitchy, & I’m sorry I’m like that, but I really wish that maybe I knew you cared, more then when we’re alone. I love being alone, don’t get me wrong there. I love being with you & I know, that sounds so cheese and dumb, but it’s the truth.”
So, within the first four sentences of this, I’ve already told him that I’m rude, bitchy and dramatic. And then that I know he “care” but only when we’re alone. Note to all girls: if a guy only shows that he cares about you when you’re alone, something is okay. Then I have to make sure he understood that I was happy with being alone with him. *face palm*
“… being around you, makes me smile. I feel safe in your arms. & I love that your not like the other guys at school. I love that your funny & dumb & a nerd. I love everything about you. Honestly, I’m no good at this. This girlfriend thing, it’s kind of a new feeling. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, or how I’m supposed to act. I’m not good at talking about my feelings & I’m not great showing how much I really care. It’s just something I’m not good at. You say you love me, and when we’re alone, I know that’s true, but when we’re at school, I don’t know it. I don’t know that what your saying is the truth. I’m not saying that you should change (especially because of me), but, I can’t do anything different if you don’t help.”
Aw, he made me smile. Gross. And apparently, I felt “safe” in his arms. Like girl, I didn’t know what that even meant back then! Oh, but he was “funny & dumb & a nerd”, did I not know back then that you don’t write lists like that? I don’t think so! And then this whole thing ends up with me saying that I’m not good about talking about my feeling but that he doesn’t show me that he cares about me at school. What even. What in the actually fuck is wrong with me.
” I know I’m making it sound like we’re married or have been together for longer then we have, & that’s why this is so hard to tell you this. I’m not ready to lose you, because I care about you, so so much. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, I’m not trying to guilt trip you, I’m trying to tell you how I feel, something I’m not that good at, & something I hate doing. If it was up to me, I would keep everything bottled up, but I can’t do that, because I know that if I do that, I’ll end up being rude to you & I don’t want to do that.”
God, why am I so over the top! “I know I’m making it sound like we’re married or have been together longer then we have” why the hell would I send that to any guy? Especially at 15! I just can’t deal with this part, it’s all so over the top and honestly, I think that I was forcing myself to get more into the email so it was longer!
” I hate starting this drama, I hate doing this, but not everything is perfect & I know that, & you know that. I’m sorry if I made you feel like I really want this drama, I’m sorry if I made you feel guilty, or anything, because honesty that’s not what I’m trying to do. I love you, a lot & I know most people would be like, it’s to fast to be saying, how can you say that after only being with a person for less then a month, but I care about you & for the first time, I feel right about a guy & I know it’s a risk saying I love you, I know saying that is a risk, but I do love you. I really do love you.”
“I hate starting this drama” so why are you sending this kind of email? This is why 15-year-olds shouldn’t be dating, this is scary. What’s so funny to me, is that I had to clarify what I wasn’t trying to do. I wouldn’t do that now, at all! And then, the magical words of “I love you.” No, you didn’t. You lying ass, you didn’t love this boy. At all. He was just another boy.
Well, there that. I still can’t believe I sent this to an actual guy. What’s crazy, there are more of these. Seriously, this wasn’t a one-time thing! What was I even thinking!
The lesson behind all of this is that at 15 years old, you aren’t in love and you shouldn’t have to make yourself clear. I’m trying to figure out what sparked this email but I can’t remember exactly but to think I sent this after only having been dating for a month is kind of a lot. I was very extra back this.
Girls, if you’re young and you think a guy loves you, he probably just wants in your pants and especially if he isn’t even willing to hold your hand in the hallways. Okay, that’s a little far, but seriously, don’t let your emotions trick you into thinking you’re in love with someone, especially not at 15.
Did y’all ever send these types of emails? Or were you still old school and give love notes, honestly love notes are probably better than these.
Those disappear forever.
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Love, Megan Anne